time for the reflection post:

This year has been shit, and i'm glad that it's almost over. HOWEVER, i have learned so much, and i am so thankful. I made new friends, had fun...cried a lot, haha. Just the other night i was walking home and i had this image of me alone in the universe with a purple light surrounding me- it was such a shocking image, and it made me cry, but i honestly think that's what's happening to me right now. I'm becoming my own person, independent. Of course I still need people and am dependent on many things, but independence is something that comes over you, it's knowledge more than a state. There are no strings holding me up, or holding me back. I can make decisions by myself and believe in them. And because of this i can reach out to other people. This is a good thing. Now if i wasn't such a LONER at this school, it'd be great. But i think i need a summer to recooperate from what I went through this year. I need to make a lot of money, see a lot of people and LAUGH A LOT.

I miss RM so much, I want you to know that. It's not because I don't have any friends here, it's not because I feel underappreciated, it's because I have extremely wonderful friends back home. Many more than I thought I had last year. And it's so amazing to realize how many people truely care about me. In particular (although I could go on forever) i'm speaking about crystal, alix, taronte, maddie- who never gave up on me even though I went through some pretty self- indulgent shit senior year and the beginning of college.

And let me just take this time to say that nothing is serious in highschool. Nothing is really that serious in college either, but just don't take anything too seriously in highschool, cuz it's not. Appreciate your parents, because you sure as hell will as soon as they're not around all the time. I promise, even if you think your parents are the most strict, unrelenting pieces of shit on the planet, you WILL appreciate them by the end of freshman year in college.

Another tip for those who are going to college- don't go tied down. I mean boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. This will hinder you, i promise. Even if you think you're going to get back together over winter break and summer break (which happens a lot here I promise) leave it open during school. People do get back together, and it doesn't mean you don't care about them any more, but you need to be independent for a time in college. Take the courage to sever attatchments for the first semester or so. It's not going to be that way all of college, and I'm not saying you should go have lots of sex while you're free of your significant other (of course you COULD, that's your choice...) but you should really take some time to yourself. It's not selfish, it's needed.

Make sure to keep your friends from highschool too, because they are most often the people who know you the best. People will get to know you better at college through the years, but don't go to college thinking that all of a sudden you're going to have millions of tight knit relationships with people you've only just met. You could totally get along with someone more than you ever have anyone else, but that doesn't mean they know you- and trust me, you need to have people know who you are, you get kind of confused halfway through. This year I hardly knew who I was most of the time, thank god I had people like Christina and Pam and my parents helping me out. And my friends here, Emmie, Ingrid, Lauren, Jenny, etc- they helped me a lot as well. With the help of these people, I finally realized who I am.

Just a final note, never give up. I'm guilty of that, I do it all the time. I have become a person who avoids things and people just because i'm afraid of it, i don't feel like i'm up to the challenge. This is not a good thing. Never give up on things and people. Because people always mean better than they think and better than they seem to, believe me. Always believe in your friends, aquaintences, even enemies, because they are human just like you. If you have a chance, give them a second one, you'll be amazed.

Know that it will end. Everything ends, but from it springs new life. Have a place to ground yourself- my place is home. You'll never know how much you miss it until you're away for a year. I love my friends, I love RM, I love Rockville. And as I told Alison today, I am anywhere but here right now, and that's how I like it.

SEE YOU SOON- May 6th is the big day!!!!!!

-Lara