AH! COMMENT damn you i KNOW you read this! And everyone let's have a big hand for Julia because she baked me cookies for my birthday and sent them to me. and they are deLICIOUS! Oh, speaking of delicious i talked to this really hot friend of Emmie's online tonight. Did i mention he was really hot? Did i also mention that I am BEYOND tired? Right, time for bed. My family's up here this weekend, and i'm back home next weekend. Write more when i'm not this stupid

-Lara

i went to costume crew again today, got to sew stuff! Sewed a bodice for a "citizen" and got to sew some of the red lining for Jasper's coat. It was fun! I took the midterm today...it was okay, i'm guessing a B or C. I think that's better than what i've BEEN getting tho- but the midterm is worth 35% of my grade so I'm REALLY hoping I got a B on it. Dude, I studied for 9 and a half hours last night. From 4-1:30. Tell me that's not dedication! I NEVER studied like that in highschool. On a completely unrelated note, i'm having breakthroughs one after another about my personality, emotions, and current situation, and it's really throwing me off balance. If i ever seem like a bitch, or i'm crying in a corner, just take it as it comes it won't last long. Apparently it happens to all BFA's their freshman year. Whew, HARD stuff. Okay i gotta do homework. It's RA appreciation day today! I LOVE YOU NATE YOU'RE THE BEST EVER

-Lara

boy howdy guys, i had a funny day today. Today was contra day in Voice and Movement and we had to dress up like the complete opposite of what we would normally do. SOooo, I dressed up like a two bit whore. I have a picture for any who want to laugh their ass off :). Anyways, yea i was really mean and didn't care about anyone and it was extremely uncomfortable. Oh yea, and i brought in a beer can...but i couldn't bring myself to put it to my lips because i didn't know if it still had beer around the sides or anything. So yea, i learned a lot about myself, etc etc. I don't really have much to type today, i went to costume crew for the first time today, i got to use a seam ripper....for an hour. Woo! Next time i get to put the bodice back together! exciting huh? Alright well i gotta go study for my midterm tomorrow, i'm really screwed for this thing....


-Lara

back in Ithaca. And let me tell you, being home was weird. Veeeery weird. I felt like i didn't belong there. I felt kind of uncomfortable, and i didn't know what to do with myself. When I was at home i didn't feel like i could do things like i did when I lived there, like just plop down in front of the computer and act like i've been living there for the past 2 months. When I got home things looked different and felt different and nothing was quite the same. People looked and acted different, they looked older...it's just a weird feeling! Being at homecoming really made me feel a lot better tho because everyone seemed the same there. It was life as usual, just continuing without me there. Now that i'm back in Ithaca I feel more comfortable, because this is my space, i feel more at home here now. And I really did miss all my Ithaca people, and I missed making sure they didn't jump over fences on Friday and Saturday night. I just don't understand why people feel the need to drink themselves silly every weekend. They are quite funny when they do it...but i would never make an ass out of myself like that. I mean people regret what they do when they're drunk, and i think that's a horrible horrible thing to admit, and to feel in the first place. It's true tho, i'd probly regret things if i did them when i was drunk. You lose judgement when you're drunk and things don't seem as severe. I'll never forget that feeling of utter panic when i realized i was the only sober person on that floor. They were throwing a bottle full of wet paper towels at their balls and laughing even tho someone could get severly hurt. People don't understand the seriousness of their actions when they're drunk and that's very frightening to one who is sober. I realize that i need to lighten up about things like this but the other night this girl was freaking out in the elevator because her friend was in the hospital. These are commonplace happenings in college because people are JUST STUPID. Am i supposed to have this knowledge and just sit back and watch it happen?! Then i'd feel like it was my fault i didn't stop it! As much as you'd like to disagree with me and tell me that you wouldn't do that...just step back for a minute. If someone you really cared about...i mean A LOT...made irrational decisions and sometimes destructive ones when they were drunk, you wouldn't be fine just sitting there watching them do it right? You'd try to help them, you'd try to stop them! And the worst part is they don't appreciate it, they think you're working against them. This is why i appreciate parents so much. they do what's best for their child, and the kid almost NEVER appreciates it. I know the longing for appreciation that mothers have when they're trying to get what's best for their kid and they just don't understand what good it's doing them. Why can't people just listen and learn? Somewhere along the line of human existance people had the good idea to listen to their peers about mistakes that THEY made so that they weren't made over again. I mean think about it, if everyone needed to know for SURE that fire burned you, where would we be now? So why can't you just believe people that drugs are bad, or that excessive alcohol drinking can lead to horrible outcomes? Are we ever going to evolve from this binge drinking pot smoking stupor that everyone seems to be in in college? Why do people need to GO through that?! I seem to be missing the point here. I've had so many of these rants and i'm sure you've all heard this over and over again, but i just DON'T GET THE POINT. And you will tell me it's because i've never done it. And that is very true, i agree with you that i don't really have much leverage to be ranting about this stuff until i've tried it, but i don't feel the need to do it. I'm already very social without having drinks, i'm not running away from my problems, and i'm not trying to rebel against society. I have no reason to drink. And show me one person that drinks, that DOESN'T fit into one of those categories. I bet you won't find any. The best part is that people admit that they are/are doing those things...but yet they don't try to fix them. Alcohol and drugs will not solve any problems for you, they only make them worse. Alcohol does make things more fun, but needing alcohol to have fun is like admitting you're a social failure! I mean that does sound a little harsh, i'm not trying to be THAT harsh...but honestly there are SO many better things to do, you just need to exert enough energy to find those things. And plus, WHAT is the point of drinking to the point of puking, then not remembering the night before. If you want to drink to have fun, WHY DO YOU DRINK TILL YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE FUN YOU HAD. Drunks are all in denial, every one of them. And they lie and are disillusioned. I guess people do it because they think it's cool...especially in college. It's cool to say "I have no idea what the fuck i did last night." I think that's one of the grossest things i could here. What if something of real value had happened that night, and you just don't remember! And worse still, what if you did something horrendous and you don't remember...but you end up dealing with the consequences when you DO remember. People tell me i need to lighten up, i know i do i know it- but now that you see exactly what i think and feel about this subject, do you see why it's hard for me to let people do this to themselves? They're hurting themselves and i feel responsible because I am empowered with the knowledge that it can hurt, but yet i couldn't stop them. Does that make any sense?

-Lara

new homecoming pictures! YES i went to RM's homecoming- and i found out 8 hours before the dance started. Boy was that fun!